Z is even worse than i remembered him. inarticulate responses, vacant stare in only one direction, spotty complection, virtually no manners. an almost typical geeky C-grade student.
not my type.
i like the big grins, the flourishing resoponses embellished with sarcasm, the gentlemen that can tell me a thing or two about the world, that can discuss the politics, laughingly, quoting the newspapers, maybe, or politicians. i like the guys who smell of aftershave so strong you can sense it from a distance, whose playfully open top button reveals a glint of collarbone. i like them like you and X and Y and yet like none of you.
but Z – no.
and yet it was interesting today. maybe for that exact reason, it was a real discovery of myself, of him, of how far i’ve moved on in the short space of time i’ve not seen him.
i used to be indifferent, now i was repelled.
i was appalled at how my playful reminder of today’s meeting was responded to in such a brief and abrupt manner that i almost wondered if it was a burden to him, but the spelling mistake reminded me of what sort of person i was dealing with and i knew it was just his carelessness.
i haven’t forgotton
you’d do so much better than that. as would X or even Y, who isn’t even really mine.
talking of Y, it was quite strange tonight to recieve a text from him, few minutes before midnight, telling me, almost lovingly, to have sweet dreams. mixed signals or am i just seeing things? i double checked, you know, to see if it really was from him. it was the sort of text that X would send and i thought that maybe in my sleepy state i replaced one name with another, confused myself.
but no, it was Y’s name above the message in morning.
it was his name even in the afternoon.
it’s his name still even now.
now tell me, why would he do that?