11. i wish you’d seen me then


so here’s to new year!

yes, here’s to the year that will
       bring us more than last year ever could; 
       to the year that will teach us so much; 
       that will make us suffer and reward us in equal measure.
and i’ll remain hopeful, no matter what. in fact, i just can’t curb the excitement, butteflies rising up in the pit of my stomach every time i think of the year to come.
good butterflies, like the ones you get when you’re about to fall in love. even five hours out in the freezing cold waiting for big ben to strike midnight couldn’t stop them surfacing, every beat of their metaphorical wings bringing on yet another wave of unconditional joy.

we missed you though, our little group not quite whole without you. but hey, you couldn’t come, and that’s ok – the new decade started with you in our minds, rather than by our sides. and X wasn’t there either. family commitments, or rather a displeased father and a sister who came to celebrate new year with them. a sister he sees very rarely and seems to be quite pleased of that fact. 

i wished he could be there and i wished you were there.
but not at the same time.

and you know what? 
i loved it.
i loved every moment of that i-can’t-feel-my-toes-and-my-hands-have-gone-so-numb-that-i-can-barely-text-everyone-a-happy-new-year-and-i’ve-been-standing-here-for-longer-than-i-thought-possible-but-i-am-having-so-much-fun feeling. it was the very best feeling and think it was like that partly because i was determined to celebrate new year in style. oh the power of mind and of course the power of happiness.

it’s contagious don’t you know?

i wish you’d seen me then.

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3 responses to “11. i wish you’d seen me then

  1. moondustwriter

    Beautiful – it will be that kind of year. Finally got around to linking you to my sight.
    Cheers

  2. i love the excitement of wanting things to be different and loving exactly the way things are at the same time… can’t wait to see how 2010 is

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