26. this and that


sometimes days just pass me by as i sit there waiting for the beep of my mobile phone. i can get mad at its inability of recieving an usent text message. the message you take all day to write, or rather not write, and that has much too little love in it to satiate the hungry beast within me, but just enough to make it worth the wait.
a daily ration i devour with my eyes.

yet i’m still in a turmoil, with or without your love, so what does it matter?

X still means a lot. more than he ever meant when we were together. not that i’ll ever let him in my life again, but it’s just to difficult to let go of a person completely.  and he doesn’t want to be friends. and he wants this and that. this and that.
like a spiral of hurt, this and that is tattooed on the insides of my eyelids. 
the next step is unloving his existence.
creating a distance.

but i need you near me. i need you here to take that step and not turn back to look into his eyes. those darn puppy eyes that kept me there for so long.
but don’t start thinking that i will break, that i will snap without you there to help me through.
i’ll just go look for a new conquest, a new heart whose scattered pieces i will grow to love, grow to need, until they fuse together, like they always do. 
then i’ll start again.
new place. new heart. new love that warms nothing but the futile burning dreams.

you know not to let me go.
so don’t.

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8 responses to “26. this and that

  1. best wishes,
    Happy Wednesday!
    ;)

  2. Boat upon the same water
    Rapids in anguished breaks
    Tossing the worths or wants
    Still making heartaches
    Limp in capsizing echos
    The rushed tides current wakes
    Sinking in the drowning of our loss
    Resting at the bottom’s soft lipid stakes
    Eyes open as we gush the surface
    Treding to the shoreline that makes
    Us see our return to journey us more
    Into what new discovery it takes

    Keep our chins up
    Ravenstooth

  3. Lovely, honest and soul-baring!

    With hope…

    xxx

  4. this is the sort of blog entry that makes people keep coming back to the blog. even strangers. the way it is written makes pain / yearning / strength / individuality sound like it’s not some tired thing, but something you can keep discovering something about.

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