sometimes days just pass me by as i sit there waiting for the beep of my mobile phone. i can get mad at its inability of recieving an usent text message. the message you take all day to write, or rather not write, and that has much too little love in it to satiate the hungry beast within me, but just enough to make it worth the wait.
a daily ration i devour with my eyes.
yet i’m still in a turmoil, with or without your love, so what does it matter?
X still means a lot. more than he ever meant when we were together. not that i’ll ever let him in my life again, but it’s just to difficult to let go of a person completely. and he doesn’t want to be friends. and he wants this and that. this and that.
like a spiral of hurt, this and that is tattooed on the insides of my eyelids.
the next step is unloving his existence.
creating a distance.
but i need you near me. i need you here to take that step and not turn back to look into his eyes. those darn puppy eyes that kept me there for so long.
but don’t start thinking that i will break, that i will snap without you there to help me through.
i’ll just go look for a new conquest, a new heart whose scattered pieces i will grow to love, grow to need, until they fuse together, like they always do.
then i’ll start again.
new place. new heart. new love that warms nothing but the futile burning dreams.
you know not to let me go.