have you noticed we always have this thing of bringing up the pain before we part, as if we need that food for thought in seperation?
and late at night, when lights are off, we lay there in deep silence engulfed by other person’s hurt, forgetting ours so well. and every shadow on the wall from passing cars or people we see from our beds is just another memory of me and you and this.
last night i laid there recieving the night like hapless counterpart, ill all day, i was happy to recline back in my bed, my throat like partched white paper, both inside and out. and your voice was like my savior, a ray of sunlight in the realm of the shadows, as i listened to your every syllable over the sleek grey phone, loving and unloving every word.
but one phrase or maybe more snapped a tight elastic around my heart, that forbidden line where the predator in me sleeps, and the rush of blood to the head roused me. containing the beast within me as best as i could, i asked you not to talk about it again. but you did and i snapped outright, a lion roar echoing in the enclosure of my room.
and then i told you the bitter truths.
and then i had to go.
and at midnight, we parted with a soft beep and a stone upon our chests.
in my realm, nightmares followed.
in yours, a silent thought of me.
Posted in chapters of my life
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after monday it seems like we are treading on broken eggshells, not knowing what to say or do. not even knowing why the whole world seems to have tumbled in our paths. and yet it’s not hurting us, just making us stronger, more resilient, more aware of each other’s wants and needs and loves.
and it’s odd but something clicked just then, something that changed our lives inconspicuously, like the faintest rainbow that brings to life even the gloomiest skies.
and i wonder if you’d have told me last night that you were in love with me if something, anything in our lives was different. and i only wonder because i want to believe that you meant it. i want to believe it so much that a violent spasm constricts my chest every time i think about your love giftwrapped and placed upon my heart. your faith in my trust, my trust in your faith, like a gold chain upon my neck, intervined.
i don’t care if you’re not in love with me, but i’m in love with you was what you said and somehow that took me like a spell in the midst of all that i was feeling then. somehow it didn’t matter that you still cared about your ex or that i was insecure about everything from “a” all the way through to “z”.
i almost believe in magic again.
Posted in chapters of my life
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soft thud of breath strumming broken chords,
slipping through the ribcage, stuttering out –
a sparrow sweeping out our sentence of a story
where every word’s a sibilance of sorry
a spliced splintered song of sleepless nights,
of silent mornings, stolen heights
a start and stop, a stop and start
still beating in the heart.
Posted in excerpts
Tagged beat, beating, breath, broken, chords, every, heart, heights, morning, night, our, out, poems, poetry, ribcage, sentence, shush, shushing, sibilance, silent, sleepless, slip, soft, song, sorry, sparrow, splice, splinter, start, still, stolen, stop, story, strumming, strutter, sweep, through, thud, word