i know i went cold on you today, my bared torso immobile. i couldn’t pretend that i could stand being so vulnerable, like soft white putty in your hands.
i wanted to scream until my lungs ruptured because seeing the tables turning made me dizzy with fear.
a fear of conclusion.
and it’s irrational, being so scared that you will depart, leaving only a purplish shadow of your foreign kisses lingering on my neck.
it’s stupid even, because you waited a lifetime for this, whispering sweet nothings in my ear all day, reassurances of your being mine, promises rising up from the heat of want, passion, longing, colouring the humid air scarlet.
but sometimes, when you close the door as you leave, it seems we are parting forever, my secrets in the buttons of your shirt, my scent lodged in the tips of your hair, my love clinging to your need like a phython going in for the kill.
so, forgive me my weakness, my inability to be promiscuous, my pain at forgetting how i was and my lack of hope for the future.
and i know if i was to say this to you, you’d shush me, so maybe you do love me after all.
and maybe one day i’ll need to know the truth about how you feel, but for now it’s enough to just hear you saying those three words.