54. blinking daylights

certain things hit me with a strange ferocity. different velocity, acceleration, speed, but they are have one thing in common -somehow they wound me gently, taking care not to hurt too much or break more bones than will heal naturally given time and care.

it’s often words. soft, sometimes inaudible, but always taboo.

like the wednesday past, when i met your past love and she told me of the things you and her did, the way your breathing would take on an animalistic quality, as if the lion i know in you was roused, the way your face would contort at the end of it all, the way it made her laugh.
and then there was the way she asked about what we have done. and i told her. why wouldn’t i? let the vulture take its prey and feast on it. we all need nourishment of some kind and i guess my nourishment was hearing it all out in the open. everything has it’s price and well, she’s only me in retrospect.

those little things are enough to drive us insane, but i think we ought to face them head-on. that way we are the hunters and not the hunted.

and then there was this morning and a text from you telling of your time in france and how, by chance, you ended up sleeping only meters away from your parents and their squeaky bed last night and the night before.
and i don’t want to fill in the gaps.
my parents wouldn’t.

but we are all different, non? my morals are not yours. my horror is different to yours. ukrainian normality does not always collide with the french, i know that. you laid there in silence, but me, i’d get up and go to the bathroom, garden, i’d go out.

and suppose that’s us in twenty or thirty years time. does it scare you? it scares the blinking daylights out of me.

but what do i know of fear?
maybe i ought to go to war.

so here’s my rebuttal: we do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.

5 responses to “54. blinking daylights

  1. You’re a fantastic writer, I look forward to reading more of your work. “we do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Great end to this piece :D

  2. moondustwriter

    I feel the search, the questions, and tension

    and yet love and life are all those things

    Love from the Moon to you!!!

  3. fantastic way to end this drifting piece.. funny the things that are so normal to others and so bothersome to ourselves.. (and vice versa).. funny how nomatter how open-minded we want to be, we still see the world through just our own eyes.

    p.s. i was so with you on the tit for tat sharing of info, i can’t believe she presented the topic but good for you (the character) to finish it off. AND – um, can’t believe he would just lay there.

    • there was a wall in between them, apparently… yeah, i only found this out a week later. haha :) and that girl is quite something… every time i see her she asks me all the details. she doesnt even say hello or how are you before she does it… lol
      it’s a funny life… thanks for reading :) xx

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