62. straight into the recovery postion

blackout before my eyes.
blood, scalpel, heart, darkness. and then my mother’s voice, soothing, recieving, full of love.

i fell softly, straight into the recovery postion, noiselessly, languidly, water flowing downhill, gurlging softly at the impact with the rocks. as if i’m used to this. as if. 

and there was drama, panic, shock, laughter even, lab oozing with emotion like a devil sick of sin.
noone would have ever guessed that i would faint: i was strong. a rock. a pillar. nobody’s princess. 

but there it was. pig’s heart. or lamb’s. whichever. i cut it open, hands almost firm, quite agile. who knew how i was trembling deep inside? i didn’t scream or flinch, i looked at it from inside out, i smiled and laughed and feigned disgust. i know how to put on an act. 

tension released, i fell like a birch leaf in the autumn gust.
standing there passive, watching older, firmer hands cut right through a heart, talking of it, the ventricles, the muscles, the–
that was too much.

no use for me as such.

and yet–
are you surprised i crumbled or rather that i didn’t crumble straightaway?
whichever one, that’s quite okay.

i came around.
before you know it, i’ll pick the scalpel up again.


8 responses to “62. straight into the recovery postion

  1. “and yet–
    are you surprised i crumbled or rather that i didn’t crumble straightaway?
    whichever one, that’s quite okay.”

    That makes the poem, IMHO. Sliding from demonstrations of strength to protestations of weakness is a very powerful way to get your point across. With that kind of title, you really cut to the heart of the matter. Loved the imagery & emotion. Ending on such a confident note tied everything up nicely.


  2. this is beautiful, raw. this is the kind of writing that makes the tragedies worth it. good job.

  3. moondustwriter

    I can feel the tension and yet the ability to feign confidence is what most of us have to do at some point in reality.
    I loved dissection – I really wanted to be a surgeon – now I just butcher words

    You doing good sweetie???

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