Monthly Archives: October 2010

your life is blistered…

your life is blistered
by the setting sun
and dreams we dreamt
as if we were living
for one life only

the jokes we told
today: the ironies of life,
the laughs we laughed
callused by bitter strangeness 

adieu
to you
is but a foreign language
to me it’s broken glow stick lighting up the sky

 i’ll say goodbye
but not in english

i’ll say goodbye
and it will be forever new.

————————————————–

last weekend i was away with friends. trekking. miles walked under the coldness of october sun with you, with Y and others. according to Y it is over a year since he began life anew with his blonde. i know it isn’t. the day he professes their anniversary is the day i spent crying in his arms. it was the day when i almost begged him for a platonic kiss. it was the day he said “how can it be platonic if we are in love?”

64. when its not lego you’re playing with

my friendships fade the way snowangels lose their shape in the hale of falling snow.
the past is covered up by the present. the future cares little for memories. if at all.

little girls think that prefection is attainable.
i did.
i wanted it all: the prince, the fairytale, the works. i wanted the golden carriage, the friends you can trust. friends who trust you.

would you believe me if i told you i almost had it all?

no. stop. look here. open your palm, recieve a crocodile tear. that’s what X would call the by-product of my pain. 
maybe he’s right. maybe i don’t feel. maybe every tear cried for someone else is selfish. maybe i’m crying only for myself.

and now, imagine.
imagine the girl you knew from pri-school, long time ago now, shuts you out. one of your best friends for god knows how many years. you let her. you can’t be chasing her. it’s all too much. let her get away. weeks later you get mad, mad at her for not caring about your friendship, about putting her creepy male friend first. she denies. and then she relents. she tells you everything. or so you presume. she lost her virginity to him. got pregnant by chance that very first time. passed out when she found out. lost the baby soon thereafter. is still with her girlfriend now.

now tell me, what would you do?

how can you bridge the world anew when it’s not lego you’re playing with any more, but life?

and counting

Together,
We
Are
Two
To
The
Power
Of
Zero, 

Because
That
Makes
Us
One.

———————————

189 days of being blinded by stars. and counting.

63. within these four walls

home is my prison, beating heart trapped within these four walls.

whole life spent in affirmation of having seen beauty, but how? i can’t even see beyond the metal bars of this cage. trapped in an illusion of golden locks and impurity of pure white snow.

yes, this is convention.
i didn’t need anyone’s help to lace me into this corset. i didn’t make you wait to take me to the ball. no carriages will carry me in this world.

there’s always time, —-
that’s what you say, calling me by my name, every syllable grounding me further into this quicksand. truth is, there isn’t time. all there is is this yearning need to –cease. then, colours stop swirling and coloured lights hush with their bright song of desire.

i am a fire.
i burn in this empty shell. you know it well. and i flash instead of them coloured lights, where every day is christmas, where sun burns red with passion of one’s life.

kiss me now.
tomorrow it will be too late.
tomorrow we will celebrate.

who was it?

who’s been alive in you,
wading in the mesh of liquid wires
through the medleys half-sung and the letters unsent
the nights wasted sleeping
time, like currency, spent

who drew the curtains, left vacant sign
on every window of every door
and begged the world to give you more
than this

who was it?

———————————————————————–

everybody who has ever been truly loved has that person, that left them because they loved them far too much to let them settle for a rainbow in the sky.