82. once in a million words


to know fear is to have never tasted it, that bitter acrid taste of rotting apples mixed with strong perfume. there is no knowing, only inhalation and dizziness before the lights go on. then, fear subsides.
the aftertaste remains. cologne is rotting. rotting all the same.

and swallowing the cider bile i stop. and start. i stop and start. and i remember that this was rhythm beaten out for me and Y. aeons ago, i would have told him this was our rhythm, that it was made for us. really, the rhythm is mine alone.
it is the heartbeat of a rabbit caught running in circles, breaking out of a different hole every time. only i have no space of time and who knows if i’m late?
there is no knowing here, only white roses being painted red. but i need no paint, truth always comes out in the end.

and this fear reigns over love. it transcends the borders of us and reproduces in our creations. why is that, will you tell me?
it must be us, the charcoal darkening the paper.
it must be orange juice spilt on a linen cloth. or coffee. coffee on those tiles.

still, it’s so nice to be able taste fear once in a million words, wouldn’t you say?

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8 responses to “82. once in a million words

  1. Wow– crazy-making but exhilarating at the same time. V.cool.

  2. I suddenly remember two things:
    1.) that line from Grey’s Anatomy which went something like “I am scared, too, but we could be scared together.” something to that effect! haha

    2.) a thought from the novel The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho; (I’ll reword it haha) befriend your fears, as that would be the only way you could conquer them ;)

    i hope i made sense! haha ;)

  3. cant agree- did not liked being afraid at all!

  4. Thank you for a great post.

  5. fear is a man’s best friend.

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