86. i think she knew


through my paperround last year i met a wonderful man. he used to walk his dog as i’d deliver papers and we started talking around the time i started writing this blog. i think he’s 82: he must have mentioned it a while back. and i’m afraid there’s nothing literary about him: his existence is one of uncouth coutesy.

i quit the paperround a while back now but i still see him every sunday. nine o’clock in the morning, like church. he’s my little christian connection: even S is nowhere near taking his place. he gave me a bible with a picture of him in his youth stuck at the back, so that i remember him. secretly, i think, he believes that it will help me find him in heaven: he believes i will go there after all. 

to my friends, this man is “the old man”. to me, he is much more than that. it may be true that i meet him every sunday partly because i feel like it’s my obligation, but also because somewhere beneath my skin there’s a tendon that connects me to him.

his wife died last night. or the night before that. and there’s no more words because i’m hurting for him. because how can one even begin to describe his pain?

i had made them a card only this march: they celebrated their 60th wedding annivesary.

sometimes he told me he wondered if she ever loved him but i know that was only because he loved her more than anything else. ever.
and it’s a little late for him to tell her, but i hope she knew. i think she knew.

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6 responses to “86. i think she knew

  1. Liza Carrillo

    “somewhere beneath my skin there’s a tendon that connects me to him” – absolutely beautiful. Lovely piece <3 you are a sweetheart

  2. northwoodsirishpub

    Accessible, so I have walked into your pain, and his, and felt connected to you both, felt the overwhelming humanness of his love and yours. But there was still space for me to bring my pain and love into it so the words held meaning for me. Very special.

  3. very beautifully written, my dear… I love how we find connections in the most unexpected places to the most unexpected people,…

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