90. we lay on the deck and count the stars


morning
8:30 a.m.

he did not recieve the text. good. so we chat. friends, not lovers, that we are: i question him of things and he shares his good news with me. at midnight. not that i didn’t ask him to, but he doesn’t bother informing you. funny?

relieved, i don’t think of the saved blushes and the heat does not rise to my cheeks: it doesn’t need to. 
a sigh escapes like a fly through the open window, its wings no longer beating against the cold clear pane of glass.  
phone on, i wait to hear a beep. from you or him, it hardly seems to matter.

i sleep lightly as of late, or as of early. since our trio of sleepover nights, it’s been better, but sometimes, i will wake up in the night and think you are with me, curled up on the floor.
no longer an insomniac, i don’t know how to classify myself. i want a tidy name to sum it all up. there isn’t one.

i’m on the edge right now and it’s nothing to do with the pair of you. my future lies within these very moments, encapsulated in the smell of old books and pheromones surging.
i call the number. it is busy. so i call again.
right now, all i care about is that the phone is picked up and they listen to me, if even for a while.

evening
9:30 p.m.

i heard a no. loud and clear, like a dead weight going into cold blue-black water.
deep, guttural sounds of a storm brewing. but the storm is already over. we lay on the deck and count the stars.

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6 responses to “90. we lay on the deck and count the stars

  1. i like the way you write, its very interesting..:-)

  2. “i heard a no. loud and clear, like a dead weight going into cold blue-black water. deep, guttural sounds of a storm brewing. but the storm is already over. we lay on the deck and count the stars.”

    Absolutely love this, that’s exactly what it feels like. Bury me now. x

  3. i loved this. you are a blogger and a poet at the same time. every time you share yourself, you break barriers and it feels like a verbal dance. like casual brush strokes of a master calligrapher. i pray you never stop.

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