dear world, i’m writing to you tonight. everyone else is either waiting for my call or doesn’t care at all and i’m tired of always turning up on time, of always taking no more than is mine, of feeling guilty for having the sheer components of this life.
i’m meant to be hopeful. imagine! i’m meant to dream, as if i haven’t dreamt all my life. i’m meant to be good, as if i’m not already on my best behaviour. i’m meant to burn without fire. is this what they call desire? surely not!
i’m told i have an addition to my caged harem. S. whipped into submission, you’d think. can you think, dear world?
another poor boy. never out of my sight, never in my bed. i should either lay him or let him go, no? no.
i will be crude tonight for i have an itch in my gut. the bile of the world is rising in my throat. and you can gloat. dear world, please gloat. because i will keep on living, so long dear god keeps forgiving all my wrongs and rights.
Posted in chapters of my life
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how is it that i still haven’t learnt to recieve compliments? years gone by and i’m still the ugly duckling waiting to become the swan. i’m told i’m there, but how can i believe my luck? nobody’s born lucky enough to have it all.
on friday we were at the first party either of us have been to in ages.
it was a success.
my nude dress, hair let loose on the wind and glittering stilettos, yes i was there. and you couldn’t stop staring. i had a ball: i danced and danced all night. jamming. grinding. skanking. crude is better than not at all. and it was a hit. i danced with guys and girls alike.
i danced with you too, but that was more intimate, more reserved.
an hour before midnight, not even tipsy, i sat by your side, drinking. i was not exhaused, just alive. and a boy approached us. almost everyone there knew we were together.
he didn’t. he told me you look goregeous and you’re the hottest girl at the party and smiling politely i froze inside.
me?
gorgeous? … me?
he continued: i suppose this is your boyfriend? i retorted yes, without hesitation. YES. and then, i asked him to dance. he was awkward, kept saying you’d probably be better at dancing than him. i told him he danced well. then one of your friends came and talked to me. the boy slid away.
at the end of the night i saw him again. i said a few polite comments about the night and then, as i saw a vaquishing look in his eyes, we were gone.
i – the cinderella, you – my prince.
Posted in chapters of my life
Tagged about, again, ages, alike, alive, all, almost, approached, ask, at, away, awkward, ball, be, become, been, before, believe, better, born, boy, boyfriend, by, came, can, cinderella, comments, compliments, contunue, crude, dance, danced, dancing, didn't, dress, drinking, duckling, either, end, enough, everyone, exhausted, eyes, few, first, friday, friends, froze, girls, glittering, gone, gorgeous, grinding, guys, had, hair, have, haven't, he, hesitation, him, his, hit, hottest, hour, how, inside, intimate, jamming, jave, just, kept, knew, learnt, let, look, loose, lucky, me, midnight, more, night, nobody, not, nude, one, party, polite, politely, prince, probably, prose, recieve, reserved, retorted, said, sat, saw, saying, side, skanking, slid, smiling, staring, stilettos, still, stop, success, suppose, swan, talked, that, the, there, this, tipsy, to, together, told, too, ugly, us, vanquishing, waiting, we, well, were, wind, without, writing, years, yes, you, your
i’ll kiss it better
before you know you’re hurt
i won’t be curt
i won’t pretend
that all those dreams are any more than
liquor on my lips
flour on my fingertips
there’s nothing a pinch of salt can’t cure
please be secure:
i’m doing all i can.
————————————————
and this love is amazing. the things i say are stupid sometimes or even downright crude. those fantasies are nothing more than a fairytale innuendo.
know that.
Posted in excerpts
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glittering soot on her eyelashes 
67. just alive
how is it that i still haven’t learnt to recieve compliments? years gone by and i’m still the ugly duckling waiting to become the swan. i’m told i’m there, but how can i believe my luck? nobody’s born lucky enough to have it all.
on friday we were at the first party either of us have been to in ages.
it was a success.
my nude dress, hair let loose on the wind and glittering stilettos, yes i was there. and you couldn’t stop staring. i had a ball: i danced and danced all night. jamming. grinding. skanking. crude is better than not at all. and it was a hit. i danced with guys and girls alike.
i danced with you too, but that was more intimate, more reserved.
an hour before midnight, not even tipsy, i sat by your side, drinking. i was not exhaused, just alive. and a boy approached us. almost everyone there knew we were together.
he didn’t. he told me you look goregeous and you’re the hottest girl at the party and smiling politely i froze inside.
me?
gorgeous? … me?
he continued: i suppose this is your boyfriend? i retorted yes, without hesitation. YES. and then, i asked him to dance. he was awkward, kept saying you’d probably be better at dancing than him. i told him he danced well. then one of your friends came and talked to me. the boy slid away.
at the end of the night i saw him again. i said a few polite comments about the night and then, as i saw a vaquishing look in his eyes, we were gone.
i – the cinderella, you – my prince.
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Posted in chapters of my life
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