notes reverbrate in my head, songs drown in their own chords. words on words, words on words.
and i am fear, i am love.
i’ve been found out.
‘i am yours now
so now i don’t ever have to leave
i’ve been found out
so now i’ll never explore’
and i can’t stop thinking, though you’ve given me no reason to. you’ve been a darling, my precipice of love.
it is me, it is i.
i’ve betrayed your honest motifs by wanting more, by being unsure. every other girl would be thankful to never have to leave, but i am i. i can only think of all the lands whose flowers won’t open their buds to me, of all the trees that won’t bloom for me.
i am me and this is i.
i want to come and go, spending every morning in your harbour, every night – under the shine of communal stars.
i’m only tender and i’m only young. i can’t go for days without setting bridges on fire.
imma let it burn.
Posted in chapters of my life
Tagged all, am, and, be, been, being, betrayed, bloom, bridges, buds, burn, but, can, can't, chords, come, communal, darling, don't, drown, every, explore, fear, fire, flowers, found, girl, give, go, harbour, have, head, honest, i, imma, is, it, lands, leave, let, love, me, more, morning, motifs, my, never, night, no, notes, now, of, on, only, open, other, out, poems, poetry, precipice, reason, reverbrate, setting, shine, song, songs, spend, stars, stop, tender, thankful, the, their, think, thinking, this, though, to, trees, under, unsure, want, whose, without, won't, words, would, young, your, yours
you didn’t think to tell me
how you loved me
but i dreamt it up myself
and now i have a dream in every colour,
each shade: swarovski bead of glass,
reflections merely shadows
scattering in front of us.
i didn’t ask you to love me
you didn’t ask me back
no one asks the sun to shine.
but it does.
Posted in excerpts
Tagged ask, asks, back, bead, but, colour, didn't, does, dream, dreams, dreamt, each, every, front, glass, have, how, it, love, loved, me, merely, myself, no, noone, now, one, poems, poetry, reflections, scatter, shade, shadows, shine, sun, swarovski, tell, think, up, us, you
i’ve decided, i won’t allow words to tear us all apart. and my pain shouldn’t matter. this pain is fleeting. and my heart will be beating into the next millenium, where loves bloom redder than cranberries in the bitter frost.
i said something important to you yesterday. via text. and i don’t know if you picked up on it. so many words get lost in translation from my world to yours.
i don’t believe that every little death brings one closer to life, but i do believe that every little love does.
and i have loved you inconsistently, wrongly asking you to love me as i wish. maybe you can’t love me with all the roses and the cards. maybe my loves are too extravagant for you. maybe i ask too much without the need for such. but i can dream.
and i will dream. in silence.
my dreams will burn and burn.
for three weeks at the very least, i’ll be perfect. and i won’t argue and i won’t bite.
so you can taste the cranberries as they were before the winter, so you can stop and wonder if i’m yours.
Posted in chapters of my life
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