no response. my heart is the silence of the world sleeping.
i barely wrote about him: he never seemed to matter. you are my prince, patience incarnate. often all i need is that little piece of silent tenderness: i am simple but i change with the northerly wind.
all i seem to do is read and sleep: summer brings deep slumber to my senses and burning sun only makes itself felt on the nape of your neck. when my eyes see it, the gently tanned skin colour of sandalwood, an urge from deep within me wants to cradle it with the palms of my hands, feel its warmth as if through it i shall hold a ray of sunshine, all warm and sensual, taken from a book of mild erotica.
funny how when i felt it last, rejection felt like a consuming fire in every which one of my pores. now, it is a slight breeze tangling up my hair, soft sand in my eyes, thorny roses brushing against a scab: strangely seperate from me.
you think i can’t see the pain in your eyes. true, you hide it well, but i know you and i know that i told you that he mattered in more ways than one would care to. i’m sorry.
S is nothing; i am love.
it’s about aesthetics, feeling, about loving contour and form and not it straight lines … and i got too attached to you, S. funny that, i try to live without feeling.
no response. so we learn to fly.
glittering soot on her eyelashes 
67. just alive
how is it that i still haven’t learnt to recieve compliments? years gone by and i’m still the ugly duckling waiting to become the swan. i’m told i’m there, but how can i believe my luck? nobody’s born lucky enough to have it all.
on friday we were at the first party either of us have been to in ages.
it was a success.
my nude dress, hair let loose on the wind and glittering stilettos, yes i was there. and you couldn’t stop staring. i had a ball: i danced and danced all night. jamming. grinding. skanking. crude is better than not at all. and it was a hit. i danced with guys and girls alike.
i danced with you too, but that was more intimate, more reserved.
an hour before midnight, not even tipsy, i sat by your side, drinking. i was not exhaused, just alive. and a boy approached us. almost everyone there knew we were together.
he didn’t. he told me you look goregeous and you’re the hottest girl at the party and smiling politely i froze inside.
me?
gorgeous? … me?
he continued: i suppose this is your boyfriend? i retorted yes, without hesitation. YES. and then, i asked him to dance. he was awkward, kept saying you’d probably be better at dancing than him. i told him he danced well. then one of your friends came and talked to me. the boy slid away.
at the end of the night i saw him again. i said a few polite comments about the night and then, as i saw a vaquishing look in his eyes, we were gone.
i – the cinderella, you – my prince.
6 Comments
Posted in chapters of my life
Tagged about, again, ages, alike, alive, all, almost, approached, ask, at, away, awkward, ball, be, become, been, before, believe, better, born, boy, boyfriend, by, came, can, cinderella, comments, compliments, contunue, crude, dance, danced, dancing, didn't, dress, drinking, duckling, either, end, enough, everyone, exhausted, eyes, few, first, friday, friends, froze, girls, glittering, gone, gorgeous, grinding, guys, had, hair, have, haven't, he, hesitation, him, his, hit, hottest, hour, how, inside, intimate, jamming, jave, just, kept, knew, learnt, let, look, loose, lucky, me, midnight, more, night, nobody, not, nude, one, party, polite, politely, prince, probably, prose, recieve, reserved, retorted, said, sat, saw, saying, side, skanking, slid, smiling, staring, stilettos, still, stop, success, suppose, swan, talked, that, the, there, this, tipsy, to, together, told, too, ugly, us, vanquishing, waiting, we, well, were, wind, without, writing, years, yes, you, your